I’ve been thinking about starting a little informal list of types of fans that are problematic and types of fans that I really love seeing out there as a part of my Concert 101 series. So, here is my first entry.
This is not meant to be comprehensive, nor is it meant to offend. This is just something that I’ve observed in my 15+ years of concert going.
First Entry: The Scoffers and Complainers
The Bad:
The Ubërsnob: These are the people that started this entry. I have a much longer rant about them, but I don’t think it’s suited for this blog. I personally find them reprehensible and just plain obnoxious. Now, as a snob, I have no issues with people being fussy about their music, or even about the particular songs they like from a band. However, The Ubërsnob not only complains loudly about how the band used to be better or how this song is their worst song ever, but they also have the nerve to snub their fellow fans. Their reasons range from how the fans are dressed, to being excited about a particular song or not knowing enough about the band’s non-radio songs. They also have a habit of disliking their band’s increased popularity.
Why they’re a problem: They bring down the mood and alienate new fans. They also tend not to shut up for the entire show.
The Friend: This is someone who hast to take someone to a show they aren’t into or even actively dislike. Maybe the fan is their friend, or their SO, maybe it’s their little sibling who can’t drive yet. Taking someone to a show you don’t want to see isn’t inherently a bad thing; we’ve all been there. However, The Friend will moan, roll his/her eyes and generally throw a temper tantrum the entire show, they might also have some of the characteristics of a snob. They want to let every one know they are not happy to be there. Loudly.
Why they’re a problem: Like the snob they bring everyone down and probably also upset the person they brought, defeating the purpose of their coming in the first place.
The Impatient Fan: This fan really just wants to hear one or two particular songs. Instead of just kicking back and enjoying the show or chilling at the bar, The Impatient Fan will huff, stomp their feet and throw little fits until the song they like plays, after which they invariably leave. They also announce the fact that they only like these two songs loudly and repeatedly.
If you’re this person, do us a favor and stay home. Usually the song you like is a single witch will be in the encore. If you must be there, stay in the back.
Why they’re a problem: They talk/ play on their phones the whole damn time. Bright lights and irritated voices do not make other fans happy.
The Ignorant Drunk The Ignorant Drunk is usually already three sheets to the wind before the show starts and loudly declares that he knows none of their songs, yet still tries to sing along and shouts random ‘clever’ things at the stage, usually particularly at female band members when they talk. The ignorant drunk finds himself or herself hilarious.
Why they’re a problem: Do I even need to explain this one?
The Hater (of Slow Songs): Most bands have at least one song that is slower than the rest of their work. This song divides the crowd in half. One half is comprised of the people who love this song with every heartbeat and usually end up with tears streaming down their cheeks, singing along to every word.
And then there are The Haters. These people talk through every. Single. Slow song. What’s worse about it is because slow songs are quieter everyone in the room can hear these loudmouths. And it’s usually not even important talk. If you don’t like a quitter song, please do us all a favor and just shut up.
Why they’re a problem: their yammering kills the mood of the song completely. If I’m getting all emotional, the last thing I need to know about is that party you were at last night or what was on TV. Moreover, everyone can hear them. At least if someone is talking during a loud song, the music might drown them out.
The Good:
It’s important for me to say that there are also fans that I love. I’m not an ubërsnob, hell when it comes to my fellow fans; I’m not even a regular snob. I think of my fellow fans as family, I love nothing more than happily bonding over good music. There are certain fans that I have an even dearer affection for, I will be more than happy to put up with the odd faux-pas for these fans.
The First Timer: This is usually a fan that has every album, knows every word has on the shirt from the band and probably has a concert poster in a bag tucked under their seat or clutched in their hands. They are usually young and are ready to explode before the show even starts.
Why I Love Them: The sheer amount of happiness that radiates from them. The excitement and the smiles.
The Incoherently happy: This is a big sister to the first timer. They might have seen the band 90 times by now and are just so stoked to do it again. And again. It doesn't matter; it doesn't even matter if they know the words to the songs. They are excited beyond measure and full of screams and cheers.
Why I Love Them: same as the first timers. They are happy and serve as a reminder that this is what music is really about.
I think I’m done for today, I have to go do stupid responsible things now.
Next entry in the Field Guide: Drunks
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